Build Your Foundation: This Year, Put Yourself First
Several years ago, I had the great fortune to attend a small, weekend-long meditation retreat led by the nuns and monks of Thich Nhat Hanh’s Magnolia Grove Monastery, a Buddhist community in Mississippi. In attendance were ordinary middle-aged folks with families and aging parents, and young women and men looking for balance in their lives, and older people exploring their new retirement. Although we all had differing backgrounds and varying plans for our futures, we were all eager to learn better how to care for our physical and spiritual selves.
While sitting indoors on a Saturday afternoon with one of the monks as he led a Dharma talk, we were sheltered from a cold, late-spring wind that tossed the tops of the maples and pines outside. Near the back of the room, a woman attendee raised her hand and asked a profound question. “How do I make time for myself?” she began, her voice energetic and curious. She told the group that she and her husband had full-time jobs, that they joined in the making of meals for themselves and their family, and that they were active in the lives of their children. “We’re good parents, and we’re very busy.” Then she shared something deeper. “I want to make time for myself. I want to get more exercise. I want to take better care of myself, eat better, sleep better.” She paused, took a deep breath. “What I mean to ask is, how can I stop feeling guilty about wanting to make these personal things important?”
The monk leading the talk had listened intently to the woman, as had all of us, and as she finished speaking, he nodded and closed his eyes. He was silent for some time, then opened his eyes, bowed, and said, “You must take care of yourself first, put yourself first, because you must make yourself a mountain. When you make yourself a mountain, you become strong. When you are strong and like a mountain, then anyone in your family can lean upon you.”
Over the years since this meditation retreat, I recall this Dharma talk often and share it with many clients who struggle to put their physical health and wellness first, especially after the overdoings or the indulgences that often accompany the long weeks of holidays leading up to the end of the year.
It’s also worth mentioning that putting yourself first is not about being selfish. Putting yourself first is about making a good effort to take care of yourself—your body, your mind, your spirit.
Reflecting now, post-holidays, consider making the days of 2026 about putting your physical, mental, and spiritual needs and wants first. Come up with ideas on how to nurture your health and wellness, and consider making it not about resolutions that are punitive, but more about adding in things that truly give you joy.
Indulge in nurturing self-talk that elevates. Indulge in going to bed and getting up at the same time each day. Nourish your physical body with movement every day. Use the days of the new year to nurture habits that satisfy and sustain you, creating in the coming months a mountain of yourself. Take the time to put your needs first so that when your loved ones need someone to lean upon, you’ll be the strong mountain.
