What is grief?
The simple definition of grief is the experience of coping with loss. Most of us think of grief as happening in the painful period following the death of a loved one. But grief is so much more complex than this simple definition.
Grief is the acute pain that accompanies loss. Because it is a reflection of what we love, it can feel all-encompassing.
Because grief is different for every person and situation, there really is no exact timetable for the feelings of pain after loss; nor is it possible to avoid suffering altogether. In fact, attempting to suppress or deny grief can just as likely prolong the process, which also can demand more effort and support.
Likewise, the misperception that there is a proper way or amount to grieve can make the process more difficult.
For some people, grief is a short-term phenomenon, although the pain may return unexpectedly at any time time. While other individuals, may experience prolonged grief, which can last months or even year. Without proper help and support, such grief can lead to isolation and chronic loneliness.
Many people will recognize the 5 stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance- written in the book called On Death and Dying, by psychiatrist Elisabeth Kubler-Ross. However, it has been demonstrated that not all people will experience the stages in order as listed. Furthermore, not all people will experience all 5 stages. But the goal is that every individual eventually reach acceptance after a loss.
Grief is very personal, highly individualized and unpredictable. The important thing is to recognize the grief and get the appropriate help needed. Some examples of where to turn for assistance are:
- family and close friends
- grief counselors or therapists
- grief support groups
- religious or spiritual leaders
- your doctor
I will end with a couple of quotes:
“We grieve because we have loved. We grieve because the person we have lost mattered to us. To say that grief should disappear on a neat timetable is an insult to the love we felt.” – Johann Hari
“Grief is the price we pay for love.” – Queen Elizabeth II
If you would like assistance in finding a local grief support group or material please contact Scott D. Souder at Souder Family Funeral Home, 816-436-2900.
