Preparing to Meet with a Divorce Attorney: Questions to Ask Yourself Before Your Initial Consultation

You’ve had better days. Today is your initial consultation with a divorce lawyer. You’re possibly overwhelmed, confused or nervous. Most people don’t plan for this, but hopefully, starting to think about the questions below will help reduce uncertainty and help get the most from the meeting.

What information have I gathered on my own?

If you haven’t already done any research, now’s the time . . . and no, I’m not talking ChatGPT! I’m talking about educating yourself with accurate and easily obtainable information, at official websites like the California Courts, Judicial Branch of California, and the Superior Court of California, County of Monterey. California law governs most issues in a California divorce, and by researching the basics yourself, you may not need to pay a lawyer to provide them. Everyone processes new information differently, and learning about the legal steps in the legal jargon may be a lot to process the first time with an attorney. Gaining a general understanding of the requirements necessary for divorce beforehand can help you process information from the attorney more constructively. Having already read words like “petition” or “financial disclosures” before the attorney says them to you can help minimize feeling bombarded with new information.

What are my top two concerns?

Your initial consultation will likely take anywhere from thirty minutes to two hours. It is impossible to cover all implications that might come up in your case, and you don’t necessarily need to know all of them. Expressing your top two concerns with the attorney can help focus the meeting. Maybe it’s child custody, or who will get the family home, or dividing retirements. Having a focus will help make the best use of time and increase the likelihood that you feel informed at the end. It also helps the attorney learn about you.

It might help to consider whether your concerns are better suited for a therapist or other mental health professional. Are you struggling to accept that the marriage is ending or with how your spouse is letting you down? While some people are thrilled to get a divorce and can’t wait for the party, most experience some sense of loss or grief. Divorce lawyers are trained to give legal advice. While we can give personal advice and guidance around emotional issues we’ve seen come up in our cases, it is important to remember that your lawyer’s time is best spent using their legal knowledge. A therapist is better suited using their skills and training to guide you through emotional turbulence that arises when a family, of whatever size, separates.

What are my finances?

Do you have the following documents:

• Copies of your last two years of filed income tax returns
• Last twelve months of pay stubs
• Last six months of bank, retirement, and credit card account statements
• Updated books to run a current profit and loss statement and balance sheet for your business
• Deeds and mortgage statements for real property owned by you or your spouse
• Documents showing any property you either owned before marriage, or that you acquired during marriage by gift or inheritance
• Any documents signed before or during marriage that affect you or your spouse’s interests in property

Having these documents ready will help you provide information if requested during the consultation, but it will also help if moving forward with divorce. With the exception of a few circumstances, everyone divorcing in California must fully account to their spouse for all material facts and circumstances related to their income and expenses, and assets and debts, that exist at the time of the divorce, regardless of when and how it was acquired. Having the financial documents ready for when you need to produce them can reduce stress you might otherwise feel if asked for them in a rush or when you are preoccupied with other things.

Additional questions to ask yourself in preparation for your initial consultation will be addressed in my next article.

This article is not legal advice. Contact an attorney for advice regarding your unique circumstances.

The Law Office of Amy E. Spiering specializes in divorce and other family law-related matters.