Every August, the same scene plays out in households across the Park Cities. The schedules come home from school. The club team sign-ups go live. The dance studio sends the fall calendar. And somewhere in the middle of all of it, two parents who don’t live together anymore have to decide—together—what their child’s year is going to look like.
For most families, this works itself out. But for separated parents, a simple question like “should she try out for the team?” or “is it time for him to quit piano?” can quickly become something bigger. It stops being about the activity and starts being about everything else.
I see it all the time. One parent thinks select soccer is a great opportunity. The other thinks it’s too much pressure on a ten-year-old. One parent wants their child to keep going with violin; the other thinks it’s time to let her try something new. Neither parent is wrong. They’re just looking at the same child through different windows.
A few things worth keeping in mind when you find yourselves on opposite sides of an activity decision. Start with the order, not the argument. Most custody orders address how major decisions about a child’s life are made. Some require joint agreement; others give one parent the final call after meaningful consultation. Knowing what your order actually says—before the disagreement gets heated—saves a lot of stress.
Separate the activity from the schedule. A lot of “no” answers aren’t really about the activity. They’re about the practice times falling on the other parent’s weekends, or the travel tournaments cutting into vacation. Often, what looks like a values disagreement is really a logistics one. And logistics can usually be solved. Lead with your child, not your position. It’s worth asking honestly, “who is this activity for?”. Sometimes our enthusiasm (or our resistance) has more to do with what we want than what they need. Children pick up on that quickly.
Get help before you dig in. If you and your co-parent keep landing in the same spot on activity decisions, that’s worth paying attention to. Mediation, a parenting coordinator, or a fresh look at the underlying agreement can often unstick what feels stuck. Activities matter to kids. But what matters more is the example you set in how you and your co-parent work through the hard calls together. They’re watching. And what they learn from the small disagreements is what they’ll carry into the big ones.
If your co-parenting arrangement isn’t working the way you’d hoped, our team is here to help. Greg Beane is a Partner at Webb Family Law in Dallas, Texas, where he has practiced family law for over two decades. For questions about summer possession or custody modifications, contact Webb Family Law at (214) 871-2730 or webbfamilylaw.com.
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