Boot Up Your Butt!
The other day, I had the cutest little client back in my office with her adult children. At this point, we’ve known each other for years and have gone through a myriad of life changes with them leaning on my firm for the legal side of these events. She, as always, was VERY clear, and her boys were chiming in here and there – and at one point started cracking up – a usual event with them. They laugh a lot… She laughed too then stopped and said, “You don’t go any farther with that or I’ll stick a boot up your butt.” The boys stopped cold then roared with laughter and fast questions asking each other if she’d ever actually ever boot a boot up their butts and they both laughed out, “No, but that’d be funny to see her do that to you!”
Now understand, she has moved to a facility. She would rather be at home but given everything this is the best choice – and she made that choice. They honored her. If Mama wanted to go home? They’d take her. But they were honest about what they could and couldn’t do, and here they were with her today too with plans for lunch after.
Another client said, “I don’t care if they sell the house or toss the heirlooms—I just don’t want to be shoved in a chair and forgotten. I feel like they just want me tucked away safe, so they don’t have to worry about me.” Should she be in a facility? Maybe. Is she heading home? Yes. Does she feel like she can make the decision to be at home or in a facility and still be supported? Not really.
It’s not about right or wrong or good or bad. In the last meeting above, we both teared up because isn’t that the actual nugget of fear tucked inside all of us? That the world will pass us by. That we’ll lose our independence, our usefulness, our place at the table.
Here’s the truth: none of us want to be “managed.” We want to be in control without clutching so tightly we create resentment. We want to be independent to the maximum our abilities will let us. We want to be needed – to feel like we are still useful and can help someone. Simply put, we want to belong.
Estate planning, long-term care, and asset protection may sound like boring legal and financial work, but they are essentially the tools that give and help you retain control and independence. They help you direct and keep you and your story going. They are the road map for yourself and those around you.
Think about your legacy— Really think about it. It’s not your Will. It’s the handwritten recipe card – smudged with butter and love – that says this is who we are, long after you stop stirring the pot. It’s the legacy of laughter, where your family remember to mind their manners to avoid the “boot up their butt.” For many of my clients, it is the time spent really communicating, maybe for the first time, about what really matters.
These aren’t just documents. They’re the map your family will carry in their pockets when the terrain gets rough for you or them… they then have both documents and experience to remind them of the lessons you left on aging with dignity, and that love still leads the way.
I think most are surprised by how much relief it brings to have your family and friends go through this experience together. You ARE still leading the way, and those around you are going to rely on it. Just as you watched others age and learned what did and didn’t work, those around you are learning too. I think in generations past there were a great many things we didn’t discuss because it wasn’t polite. I think now, in my experience, the discussion of a great many things beings a sense of relief, belonging and direction.
So much so that many groups of friends come in one after another. Kids come in after. We all learn from each other.
A single phone call can turn fear into a plan, a plan into peace, and peace into a legacy your family will love learning from and living with. So, pick up the phone, pull up a chair, we will pour a cup of coffee, and let’s talk. Really talk. Because your story deserves to be told—with humor, dignity, and love.
Big Hugs until then!
