Clear Communication: Avoid the Typical Traps
Last month, we explored what the mental load looks like in couples and how an imbalance can cause friction in the relationship. A quick reminder — the mental load is both the mental and emotional effort required to remember tasks that need to happen, manage their completion, and anticipate future ones. As we move into this new year, let’s expand on ways to avoid falling into common communication traps. These often arise from incomplete discussions around both repetitive and singular events, resulting in an imbalanced task list and mental load. By utilizing some simple “PRO TIPS,” you will be a better team and couple, resulting in a closer connection.
Meal Prepping
Many parents find dinner time stressful, especially during the work/school week. While there may be fantasies of home-cooked meals and family conversation, mealtime often doesn’t look like a Norman Rockwell painting. With work schedules, sports commitments, or ever-growing social responsibilities, it is easy for a partner to overlook what is for dinner or determine if they have time. Deciding who is responsible for cooking each night and what to make can feel like a daunting task when one person asks the other, “What should we have for dinner?” The mental load of addressing that topic day after day can take its toll on couples. But when the conversation is discussed in advance and a plan is made, friction is reduced.
PRO TIP: Creating a weekly or monthly meal plan outlining who is responsible on each day decreases the exhaustion of deciding. The meal doesn’t have to be homemade. It can be takeout, or even dining out . But it is the planning that allows for the connection.
Caretaking
Whether raising small children or caring for an aging parent, it is essential to be aware of the basic needs of those people. For example, with children, tasks are often performed in a now-or-not-now routine: they are hungry, feed them; they are tired, put them to bed. But the seasonal needs that arise and events that need to be planned, like a birthday party or a doctor visit, are frequently overlooked. Being mindful of issues such as kids grow and the clothes and shoes that fit them last season or on your last trip do not usually fit the next, is key.
PRO TIP: Before traveling, have conversations in advance to plan attire. The stress of planning a relaxing vacation and finding that no bathing suits fit for your beach trip takes all the joy out of the event. Open up the conversations weeks before travel or do seasonal closet inspections to see what is needed, so you are not caught off guard.
Hosting
Who doesn’t enjoy a get-together with people you love? While the idea is excellent and having company is exciting, the special preparation required can often become overwhelming when also managing the usual day-to-day work and family activities. When agreeing as a couple to entertain, it is best to consider all the aspects of hosting, from preparing your space to the food you will serve.
PRO TIP: When hosting activities or guests, it is essential to plan out who will do what and when. Discuss the tasks from start to finish so each person knows what is expected and the deadlines. Having open communication weeks before reduces the annoyance of one partner asking, “What do you need help with?” on the day of the event when the other partner has already completed much of the work.
If you would like help navigating this conversation and changing your relationship dynamics for more intimacy and closeness, MD Counseling would be happy to support you in achieving these or other goals in your relationship. Contact us at 201-240-9788 or www.md-counseling.com.
