Dr. Allan Wolfelt is a respected author, educator, and grief counselor. Dr. Wolfelt has conducted extensive research on the purposes of a funeral and why we, as people, need them.
In Dr. Wolfelt’s experience, if a funeral meets these 6 purposes, then it’s often meaningful and healing. Let’s review these 6 purposes of a funeral in detail so we fully understand why funerals are necessary and how they help us on our grief journeys.
Reality – The first purpose of a funeral is to help us accept the reality of the death. To heal and grieve properly, we must first accept what has happened.
Recall – By recalling and sharing about our relationship with a loved one, we help ourselves transition. We begin the process of moving our relationship with the one who has died to one of memory rather than presence.
Support – We can share our memories, give voice to our feelings, and find support in others. When a funeral includes a visitation or a gathering, mourners have the opportunity to come together and offer a listening ear and a caring hug.
Expression – By putting our thoughts and feelings into action, we begin the journey toward healing. Through expression, we begin to put our grief in motion and create forward movement in the grief journey.
Meaning – When someone we love dies, many questions arise. Did the person I love live a good life? Why did this person die? Why do any of us die? By searching for meaning and allowing ourselves to find peace, we find purpose in our continued living and can work toward reconciling ourselves to the loss we have suffered.
Transcendence – Funerals help us to find a new self-identity. They wake us up and make us think about our own lives and how we want to spend our remaining days.
Remember, the funeral ritual is absolutely for the person who has died, but it’s also for those who are left behind.
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