Phone Phubbing. Is it Rude?

The other day I was watching an old episode of Seinfeld. Jerry and Elaine were walking on the street when Elaine remembered she had to call her friend Jill. Elaine pulls her huge 1990s cell phone out of her purse and calls Jill. After the call, Jerry tells Elaine how inconsiderate she is to call Jill on her cell phone. He states that talking to someone on a cell phone while walking on the street sends the person signals that they are not important. Jerry further states that Elaine should call her at home, on her home landline phone, when her attention and time is 100% on Jill.

Now just think about how things have changed in the last 30 years. Everyone is on their cell phone. Everyone is multi-tasking and calling when they are in the grocery store, driving, exercising, writing out bills, and even changing diapers! It has become the norm to be on a cell phone when performing other tasks. A lot of people don’t even have a home phone anymore, just their cell phones. Phones take up a lot of our time and energy.

Going back to my Seinfeld story, are today’s cell phone behaviors considered rude? Recent literature has coined the term ‘phubbing’ as the act of ignoring people in a social setting to look and attend to their smartphone instead. Basically, ignoring social interaction and interacting with a smartphone. The term phubbing is the combination of the two words phone and snubbing. The phenomenon is associated with cell phone addiction. Today, it is socially accepted, although not always desired or positively perceived. Phubbing has become a normal behavior in our environment. Research on phubbing is fairly new, but findings and themes have emerged.

Defining social interaction helps to identify many situations where phubbing might cause problems. Social interaction is defined as encounters between at least two people in which they adjust and evolve their behavior in response to one another. Just being in another room with someone or driving down the street all qualifies as social interaction.

When driving down the street in a car by yourself, human interaction is not face-to-face. Yet, driving, by definition, is considered social interaction. Your behavior is adjusted to another person driving in a car, walking, or riding their bike down the street. If you are phubbing while driving, you may cause an accident. Individuals phubb while walking may fall in potholes, run into light poles, and walk in front of moving cars. Phubbing can have negative consequences.

Humans are designed to be social and function effectively within a social system. Phubbing lowers communication and support mechanisms designed to create cohesion and good mental health. A high correlation exists between phubbing and interpersonal conflict, depressive symptoms, and lowered relationship satisfaction. The correlation applies to both adult and child relationships.

Sometimes when a child sees a parent phubbing and not engaging with them, the child can feel unimportant. Often, children need attention. Most children would prefer positive attention such as discussing a picture they colored or the TV show they are watching. If the child cannot obtain the goal of attention via a positive route, they may resort to a negative route. The child may hit you, scream at you, throw a cup, or destroy a toy. Ultimately, the behavior gains your attention, which is the child’s goal. The child will recognize and remember
which behaviors fulfilled their goal. The child is likely to use the negative route again, if it worked in the past. Parents can reinforce positive behaviors by altering their own behavior.

Phubbing can affect interpersonal relationships at work. Workplace meetings, conferences, and group projects that are interrupted by phubbing can strain relationships between superiors, subordinates, clients, and organizational dynamics. The time away from work activities also compromises work goals, efficiency, and productivity. Research suggests that many employees spend about eight hours a week on non-work-related activities on their smartphones. Evidence suggests phubbing is a ‘blurring’ of boundaries between work and
home. Setting boundaries may help divide the line between work and home. Despite the negativity associated with phubbing, sometimes it is necessary to complete work responsibilities and deadlines.

Phubbing is something we all pretty much do. The question is how can we control our phubbing and how is our phubbing effecting others? The first thing to do is set limits. Create smartphone and device rules. Specific times when devices are not allowed. Examples are family dinners, driving, and bedtime hours. Be an example. Don’t just set times, but FOLLOW THEM yourself! If your job or responsibilities require phubbing, communicate your reasoning behind your phubbing behavior. An example might be, “Work is requiring me to respond to two emails. It should only take ten minutes. I will then put the phone away and you can tell me about your school art project.” Often if you communicate your exact responsibilities and intentions around the phubbing behavior, feelings don’t get hurt and expectations are known.

Although times have changed since that Seinfeld episode, human needs have not. Humans still require attention and desire respect. Time and attention are in great demand and highly valued. Make sure you spend these commodities on those you love.