Like many people in Southern California, we have a pool in our backyard. I can’t tell you how many times I have heard, “Hey mom, look at me,” before one of my children does yet another jump into the water.
Sometimes our job is to be a witness to our children’s lives.
It doesn’t sound like much, but it is actually a very important role we adults play in children’s lives. A role that doesn’t often get discussed.
We play witness to them growing up. To their becoming.
Our children love to show off. Part of growing up is using adults as a mirror. They shout, “look at me!” to make sure that you see them. To know that you see them.
When we are witnessing their antics we are also protecting space for them. Space to be creative. Space to make mistakes. Space to experiment. Space to develop. They are in the process of becoming right in front of us and part of our job is to be there and merely witness it.
When a child does a one-handed cartwheel we can capture it with a camera, but we don’t have to. Maybe we should also resist the urge. Perhaps in this age of social media influencers and using our devices to supplement our memory, we’ve lost sight of the value of just being fully in their presence. Our job is not to capture it, record it, share it. Our job is just to be there and witness it. To see and to be seen carries its own magic.
The world can be a lonely place. To see another is to make it slightly less lonely. To recognize another’s presence and in doing so to acknowledge their worth. To catch someone’s eye is to make contact; to make a connection. It sounds so simple, but it is enormously powerful. Perhaps that is one way forward in this age.
The word “connection” has been co-opted by the technology industry. We say “connection” to describe a digital or electrical interface or connecting to the Internet and social media. But those are just metaphors for the true meaning of connection, connection between human beings. Being seen. Being connected to another person’s life.
Our schools should take this lesson, too. Part of the job of a teacher, far more important than the sorting, measuring, assessing, and teaching skills and knowledge, is just being a witness to these young people in our presence. To be there when they want to be seen and to actively see them, in a thousand little ways, on a day-to-day basis.
Witnessing is a two-way street. Seeing them is communicating that they matter, they are enough, they are worth my attention.
I know at my school, just like at my home, I hear, “Hey Cassi look at this.” They aren’t looking for a grade or my approval. They are just looking to be seen, and my job is to see them.
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