Narcissism: Nothing Says “I love you” More Than ME.
As we enter into the month of romance and love, consider for a moment what sort of special somethings you might like – chocolates, jewelry, or a nice dinner out are always popular options. Do you want to know what the absolute best gift is? ME. Yep, nothing says “I love you” more than ME.
Now, I’m going to demonstrate my amazingly unique mind-reading skills and guess what you’re thinking is probably somewhere between the worlds of (keeping the language PG here, people) “What a self-centered jerk, I’m not going to finish reading this!” to “You’re such a narcissist!”
Typically when people make the latter statement, what is meant is something like, “You’re self-centered,” “Everything is about you,” “You don’t care about my feelings,” and the like. While those statements are partly indicative of narcissism, the actual diagnosis is much more than that.
In the world of therapy, there exist numerous categories of mental health diagnoses; Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) falls under the “Cluster B” category which generally includes everyone’s favorites – drama, emotional instability, and relationship problems.
To issue a diagnosis of Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) requires meeting five of the nine criteria below.
To others, the symptoms that fall under the criteria may look like the following:
1) Grandiose sense of self-importance
2) Frequent fantasies about having or deserving success, power, beauty, etc. 3) Belief in superiority
4) Need for admiration
5) Entitlement
6) Willingness to exploit others
7) Lack of empathy
8) Frequent envy
9) Arrogance
Did you catch the bolded part? One of the major challenges with NPD is that those who have it, have little to no insight about having it. Mentally, they live in worlds full of windows but devoid of mirrors. It is common for a significant other in a relationship to believe that they are “going crazy” themselves because of the significant disconnect between the views of the person with and without NPD.
How to Help
This is a tricky one. First, medications will not fix this condition. If there is some other issue, such as anxiety or ADHD, they might mitigate some of those symptoms, but the NPD itself cannot be effectively treated with medication. This means that therapy is the answer.
This condition requires advanced knowledge and experience to effectively be treated. In particular, finding someone who can treat personality disorders is a huge plus. People with NPD are masters at manipulation and blame-shifting, and finding a therapist who is experienced in artfully cutting through their B.S. is essential.
Fortunately, the providers at Light and Life Therapy pride ourselves on taking on those with more difficult diagnoses and life circumstances. We regularly treat those with personality disorders.
It’s About You, Too
If your relationship has been dominated by meeting the needs of your significant other, the time to focus on your own needs by getting that person help and healing your own wounds is at hand. So, in this season of love, treat yourself and that special someone to some mental wellness; it will do you both good.
