Navigating Hoarding With Tom Neary Real Estate

Hello Everyone! I hope that this greeting finds you and yours doing well.

I would typically write something about the real estate market and its often-dynamic elements including home styles and sales, interest rates or insurance – or lack thereof.  However, I had an experience recently that I thought was unusual and almost unique.  And I came to learn that the concept and experience of hoarding is more common than I thought.

If you know of someone who you would consider to be a hoarder, please reflect on how you might help them.  The experience I had ended up being socially and physically upsetting, disturbing, and eventually overwhelming for the family involved.  I was asked by someone who knew them if I could somehow sell their home to help them move with their lives.  Fortunately, they had no mortgage and were thus sitting on a substantial amount of equity that could, if successful in selling their home “AS IS”, allow them a life changing opportunity.

Here is advice offered by resources I found online which I encourage you to read and share with anyone who has a family member or friend that a rational person would consider a hoarder:

To talk to someone with hoarding, approach with compassion, focusing on safety and their goals, not judgment, using “I” statements to express concern (“I’m worried about falls”) rather than labels like “hoarder,” and avoid threatening or demanding total cleanouts; instead, work with them on small, manageable steps like clearing pathways, build trust by listening, and respect their pace, as hoarding involves deep emotional ties.

Before You Talk

• Educate Yourself: Understand hoarding as a complex mental health issue, not laziness.
• Assemble Support: Recruit others for a united front and your own support, ideally pairing a support person with a “helper” (like a professional organizer).
• Find the Right Time: Choose a calm, distraction-free setting, away from the clutter, not late at night.

During the Conversation (Do’s)

• Use “I” Statements & Empathy: Say, “I’m concerned about your safety when I see pathways blocked,” not “You need to get rid of your junk.”
• Focus on Safety & Goals: Frame the conversation around reducing hazards (fire, falls) and achieving their own goals (e.g., hosting guests).
• Listen & Use Their Language: Ask what they want to do and call items what they call them (e.g., “collections”) to build trust.
• Team Up: Offer to help with specific, small tasks, like sorting one box or clearing one area, never demanding a massive, overwhelming cleanout.
• Respect Autonomy: Let them make decisions at their own pace; never throw anything away without permission.

What to Avoid (Don’ts)

• Labeling: Don’t call them a “hoarder,” their items “junk,” or the situation “a mess”.
• Threats/Ultimatums: Avoid saying, “If you don’t clean, I’ll leave,” as this creates defensiveness.
• Quick Fixes: Don’t expect a weekend cleanup; it’s a long process.
• Giving Unwanted Items: Gifts of more “stuff” can be counterproductive; consider experiences instead.

Next Steps

• Harm Reduction: Focus on making the home safer, not necessarily pristine.
• Professional Help: Encourage therapy or organizing help specializing in hoarding disorder for underlying issues.

I was successful in helping my clients, and they are elated with the possibilities that are ahead of them.  They are nice people, even generous of heart, and I wish them well.  I know that you too will feel good about helping someone struggling with hoarder affliction.