Jackie’s Story Continues: Why Planning Is an Act of Self-Care

This may not be the most uplifting column I’ve written, but it may be one of the most important. We don’t all have children nearby or family members able to step in as caregivers, so we all must take responsibility for planning our futures as we enter the golden years.

This reparation deserves the same care we give to planning a vacation. You wouldn’t show up at the airport without a passport, a ticket, or a destination. Yet many people do exactly that when it comes to aging. 

Create a checklist. Identify people who can support you. Think about where you might live in the future the same way you would research hotels. When you plan ahead, you give yourself options and a softer landing. When you don’t, decisions are often made during a crisis. As I say in Mindset in Motion, if you fail to plan, you are planning to fail. 

Jackie’s story has brought that lesson into focus. Not long ago, Jackie fell. She lives in an independent living community, not assisted living. That distinction matters. Independent living offers housing and community but not the medical or daily support someone may suddenly need after an accident. Even though it was “just a fall,” she was taken to the hospital by ambulance. Twice. If Jackie had close family nearby, someone might have driven her to urgent care or called her doctor. Instead, the system responded the way it is designed to. She was transported to the hospital. 

Because she could not get downstairs for meals, she returned again. A hospital, however, is not long-term care. Without a support system, it can become a temporary place of refuge. Soon after, Jackie was discharged to a rehabilitation facility. On the surface, it looked like a quiet residential building, but inside, it felt like an extension of the hospital. 

Jackie spent long hours in bed. When I visited, her room was dark, and she needed help getting to the bathroom. Her hip was sore from the fall, but days of inactivity caused new pain as well. Communication about her care was inconsistent. The evening nurse said physical therapy happened daily. Jackie begged to differ. Who was telling the truth? While I was away for two days, Jackie was discharged and sent home. She was so embarrassed, she covered her head with a borrowed scarf. 

Moments like this highlight the limits of friendship in situations requiring professional care. I am not Jackie’s nurse nor family member. I am a friend and neighbor doing my best to help. During this process, I learned that many of Jackie’s behaviors — frustration, forgetfulness, and sudden anger — may be signs of cognitive decline. Hearing that was difficult, but it explained much of the confusion.

Months ago, Jackie gave me four phone numbers for her fiduciary, attorney, a niece three states over whom I have never met, and the Neptune Society. I mentioned to Jackie that she should speak with her fiduciary, but she insisted that he is not needed until she passes. That isn’t accurate, yet she continues to resist the idea. He explained that he could coordinate care and help manage important decisions if she asked him. However, Jackie emphatically denies that this is part of his role. At the moment, we are at a standstill. He has a copy of her trust and all the important paperwork for when the time comes.

Seven months ago, we celebrated her move into independent living. Now, we are preparing for the possibility of assisted living.

Aging can change quickly. Jackie’s story is a reminder for all of us to ask ourselves a few important questions. Do you have a plan? Do you have trusted people who know your wishes? Have you prepared legally and financially for the years ahead?

Planning for aging is not about fear. It is about dignity, choice, and control. The best time to create a plan is long before you need one.

Debbi.DiMaggio@corcoranicon.com • DiMaggioBettaGroup.co • 510.414.6777 • DebbiDiMaggio.com