Let’s Not Be Lawnmowers: Why Difficulty Is Necessary for Building Character

Failure is actually an option. Difficulty can be embraced. 

Whether seeing them fail a first grade spelling test or tank on an AP Calculus exam or be fired from a first job – we want to protect our kids from the pain and disappointment that comes with failure. We love them and want them to be happy in life, so naturally, we want all the good that the world has to offer for them and want them to avoid the pain. The only problem with this understandable inclination is that this is not how character is built, and this is not how growth occurs. We see this all around us:

• A tree battered by winds grows deeper roots.
• A pearl is formed from an irritation.
• Pruning produces more vibrant and healthy plants.
• The strain of lifting weights produces stronger muscles.
• A chick must peck through a shell to hatch, and any assistance that makes that process easier threatens the chick’s survival.

We know this is how the world works, yet we are so often tempted to protect our children from the difficulties that life throws at them.  You are probably familiar with the concept of the “helicopter parent”, but have you heard of the “lawnmower parent”? That’s the mom or dad who mows down every obstacle in their child’s way.  It’s not fun to watch our children receive the harshness of a mean word, face the consequences of a bad decision, feel the pain of a failed relationship, or suffer the outcome of substandard grades. But as Franklin Roosevelt is said to have quipped, “Smooth seas do not make skilled sailors.”  These analogies are illustrations of how difficulty is actually good and is in fact necessary for growth.

School and life both provide opportunities for success, but most successes require failure as steppingstones. Thomas Edison, one of the most successful inventors that humanity has ever seen, was once in the midst of a spectacular streak of failures and was unable to produce the successful results that were anticipated. He responded to journalists by saying, “Results! Why man, I have in fact gotten a lot of results — I’ve found thousands of ways that won’t work.”  The only true failure is not trying again or learning from those failures.

Our most beneficial approach as both educators and parents is not to prepare the path for our kids, but rather to prepare our kids for the path.  In doing that, we will see them ultimately succeed and stand with confidence on their own. If we can avoid pulling out that lawnmower and allow our children to face the difficulties on the path, lovingly guiding them and fostering growth through each experience, we will later look back with joy and satisfaction at who they have become!