Permission for Happiness Surgery

In my many years as a plastic surgeon, I’ve come to realize that the biggest hurdle isn’t the surgery itself—it’s the patient’s personal search for permission to give themselves the allowance they need to move ahead.

I remember two women who happened to come see me on the very same day. They didn’t know each other, but their stories were identical: both were in their 40s, they’d each had children in their 20s and 30s, and both were tired of the way their tummies looked, especially when they sat down. They wanted their pre-pregnancy bodies back.

But neither moved forward. One felt she wasn’t “ready,”  the other said her husband was worried and “wouldn’t let her.”

Remarkably, these two women returned to my office almost every year for a decade. Each time, they had the same goals and the same hesitations. At their tenth consultation, I was candid. I reminded them that they weren’t getting any younger. I told them they should either proceed now or recognize that it just wasn’t in the cards and find a way to make peace with themselves. They each decided to stop waiting. When I saw them six months after their abdominoplasties (tummy tucks), they had each come to the same conclusion: their only regret was that they hadn’t done it sooner.

Growing up, I was conditioned to seek permission. At home, it was my parents; at school, the teacher with the hall pass; on the soccer field, the coach. As adults, you’d think we would outgrow this, but when it comes to personal joy and satisfaction, many of us still feel we need a permission slip to allow ourselves to do the thing we really want.

We may tell ourselves cosmetic procedures are “vain” or “superficial.” But consider an analogy: If the front door of your house was warping and the paint peeling, you’d probably fix it and not think the restoration was vanity. Wanting to feel at home in your own skin is a fundamental human desire, not a character flaw. When patients hesitate, they often cite cost. I understand that elective surgery can be a significant investment, but consider the “value added” to one’s daily life.

People think nothing of spending thousands on a new car that depreciates the moment it leaves the lot and sits in a garage half the day. Yet, pause when it comes to the “vessel” they inhabit every waking second. When you consider the 24/7/365 confidence gained, the price of a surgical result that lasts years is an invaluable investment.

Please use caution when price shopping for “bargains” in the wrong places. The Rule of Three applies in plastic surgery too. You can optimize for Time, Quality, or Money, but you can only ever achieve two. In our office we often hear stories about “medical tourism” — people who flew to a foreign country for a low-budget procedure and are now seeking another opinion or urgent help for complications. You wouldn’t buy a discount parachute; beware of discount surgery for your one and only body.

Having surgery of any kind should never be taken lightly. Safety is paramount, just as it is when boarding an airplane. But while we take a pilot’s safety record for granted and worry more about seat location or food, in surgery, the person most concerned about your safety and “glorious results” is me.

That relationship doesn’t end when you leave the OR. Last week, I was rehearsing with an orchestra when my phone rang. I noticed it was a post-op patient. I excused myself to answer her question about medication. A fellow musician (also a physician) was shocked that my patients have my personal cell number.

I told her: when a patient is worried, it means the world to be able to reach their doctor. I’d rather know about a concern right away than have a patient sit with unnecessary anxiety.

If something bothers you on most days when you look in the mirror —you owe it to yourself to explore your options and have all your questions and concerns addressed. Then make a holistic assessment and decide on a course of action. Life is too short to have something bother you for years without giving yourself permission to do something about it. If you find a surgeon you trust and the risks and benefits align, then stop waiting.

Korman Plastic Surgery & WunderBar MedSpa, with offices in Los Altos, Mountain View, San Jose, and Carmel-By-The-Sea, is the exclusive provider of plastic surgery articles in Mountain Home. Learn more at kormanmd.com.