Co-parenting in the summertime brings with it a number of unique challenges. When you and your children’s other parent do not reside in the same household, it can be difficult to ensure everything goes smoothly, from summer camp registration to baseball practice to doctor’s visits. As a family law attorney and experienced co-parent and step-parent, I know all too well the challenges of logistics when competing interests, needs, and obligations come into play. I’ve taken note of how the best co-parents keep things moving forward year after year and how they avoid unnecessary conflict.
Cooperative Communication
Clear and timely communication is key. Whether you have a court-ordered allocation judgment setting forth how you will share parenting time, or you are newly separated and in the beginning stages of negotiating parenting time, plans need to be made. Sports gear needs to be returned. You have to put aside your differences and focus on what’s best for your kids. To do so, it’s always best to communicate clearly, with enough time in advance to participate, which includes the time it takes to register and pay for activities. If you feel there may be a disagreement, you need even more time to work it out. If there is a disagreement on something as substantial as summer day camp or other daily caretaking needs, work to resolve it as soon as you can!
Handling Disagreements
Disagreements will certainly arise. Perhaps you have an idea for an activity or childcare in mind, and your co-parent disagrees with what you propose. Politely ask for three alternatives in a reasonable timeframe. If you disagree with a proposal, and you are asked for alternatives, suggest something as soon as possible, and explain why you think it would be better for your children and/or your situation. Avoid hostile language and stick to the things that matter most to your unique child and their needs. Keep in mind that sometimes, an agreement looks like “we will do the park district summer day camp this summer, but next summer, the kids will be enrolled in a series of sports camps.” Sometimes, an agreement looks like asking your children for their preference, communicating that with their other parent, and if money is an issue, offering to pay the larger portion of the fee.
Be Flexible to Allow Positive Moments in Both Households
When it comes to the once-in-a-season, special events of summer, such as extended family visits or neighborhood block parties, be flexible with your co-parent. Keep in mind that sometimes it’s worth it to make an adjustment to the calendar if you know your kids will be catching fireflies with their cousins from out of town. You can always agree on the condition that you have a similar accommodation later in the summer.
Make the Most of Your Allocated Parenting Time
To avoid resentment or jealousy that naturally creeps in when you have to share so much of the summer with your co-parent, keep in mind what you can control. You can choose the day-to-day summer fun and the activities the kids will remember doing at your house. Get outside and be creative about how you use your allocated time. My kids love to do a lemonade stand once per summer, and it’s become a family tradition.
If All Else Fails, Seek Legal Help
Summer planning is not always made in the shade with lemonade. It takes trial and error, perseverance and perspective, communication and compromise. And when you’ve given it all you can, and you still don’t know where your kids are going to be for the nine weeks between the end of May and middle of August, call a family law attorney to start working towards a solution as soon as possible.
