As a licensed counselor I love the growing popularity of mental health language in our everyday world, but I also cringe when I hear it used incorrectly. I wanted this article to be a better understanding about popular mental health terminology and how to apply these terms in a healthy way.
Terms/Phrases:
“Triggered”- This term may be the most incorrectly used term I’ve heard. A trigger is a sensory event or a situation that leads to an involuntary response in the brain linked to a traumatic or painful event. For example, if someone was in a horrific car incident and they smell burning rubber and it brings back unwanted memories of that car accident. This event can also lead to intense emotions like fear and anxiety. Emotional discomfort does not mean you have been “triggered”. It is normal to have anxiety or to have hurt feelings in difficult conversations.
“They’re a narcissist”– Narcissism is rarer than what social media would like you to believe (like 1% or less of people). Not everyone you have a disagreement with is a narcissist. There are people that are emotionally immature, grieving, avoidant, or just do not have the best communication skills. I believe that most of us in the world are not “toxic” on purpose.
“Boundaries”– I saw a title of an article recently that asked if therapists were the reason everyone was ghosting their parents and I got a good laugh out of that. To think we have that much control over others’ lives was really amusing to me. Setting healthy boundaries is a common occurrence in my work because boundaries are easily misunderstood. A boundary requires an action that you do. A boundary is not, “Don’t talk to me that way.” A boundary is: “If you continue to talk to me this way I will hang up the phone.” For some people it may be in your best interest to have no contact with them but you are the only person who can decide that.
Stable mental health and emotional intelligence is about far more than knowing terminology. It is also about self-reflection to improve communication patterns, repair relationships, and set boundaries without villainizing. I see many people in the world who can identify emotions but do not know how to tolerate them. Stable mental health does not mean you never experience any discomfort. Stable mental health means that when there is discomfort you have mental flexibility and tools to cope and communicate with your loved ones.
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