Leadership for Kids

At Ariser, we work with kids of every social-emotional level, of every level of EI (emotional intelligence). We help instill the base framework for grounding yourself as a person, believing in yourself, pursuing Polestars (virtues, principles, ideals), and knowing how to carry yourself in the world.

Thus, often leadership is not on our first list of requests from a parent or family. Yet, when it is, we readily welcome the opportunity to get to work with kids in the awesome experience, realities, responsibilities, and practicalities of leadership — one of my favorite things to teach. And our Mentoring Program is built to directly teach leadership.

WHAT IS LEADERSHIP?

Leadership is the ability to guide and inspire others to work together toward a shared goal.

The application of the skills of leadership quickens the journey of knowing the Self.

It requires introspection to know how you ‘tick’ or think, how you see yourself, and how you are;

It takes an understanding of people in general which speaks directly to EI and EQ (emotional quotient);

It takes an understanding of your specific group, the dynamics, the vibe, and the chemistry;

You also have to be able to understand the situation, where you were, where you are, and where you are going;

• You must be able to visualize the goal;
• You must be able to communicate that vision;
• Finally, a leader must be able to be present and participate in the practicalities of getting to the goal.

Quite a skill set!

THE HARD TRUTH ABOUT LEADERSHIP

It’s hard.

It needs to be applied and coached side-by-side. It isn’t like viewing a nice PowerPoint and then walking away.

You put your whole self on the line and everyone is looking at you. That can take a toll, even for those who don’t seem emotional about it.

To be effective, you must cultivate the “being with” feeling that makes Connection the core of our teaching. Even when you are using connection skills and feeling connected, others in the group still might think you are out for yourself and not thinking and acting on behalf of the team. Sometimes the group won’t agree on how to get to the goal. You can see both sides, offer ways that they can hear each other, offer your solution, and it still won’t work.

I’ve been in groups where I’m 110% in and ready to organize and work and the group falls apart. So one tough lesson I get to share is that if the will of the group isn’t there, it doesn’t matter what you do AND it is not a reflection on your leadership skills.

I’ve had countless experiences where one of our leaders in class is trying to get a consensus and the group will not find a way to land on the same page. Even with the leader highlighting different voices and seeing the common ground. Time and time again, incredibly talented kids with high EQs, great communication skills, and who are respected amongst their teammates step up to lead and walk away dejected. The teachable moment here is almost always not to counsel the specific skills of leadership first; that comes second. The move is to just relate —“it’s hard,” I say. Because I know. It is hard to get people on the same page, especially when you’ve sincerely given yourself completely to helping and leading. And then we can naturally ask together, “Is it worth it?” And though sometimes in life I’ve found that it’s not, in Bright Knights the answer is always “Yes.”

BRIGHT KNIGHTS LEADERSHIP IN ACTION

“Leadership is handing the fire to the next person.” – anonymous Bright Knight

In Bright Knights, we have the perfect opportunity for kids to practice leadership. Bright Knights is our signature, immersive, hero’s journey class where the kids go on Quests in the Bright Knights world. At the start of each class, we hand out a blue wristband called the Leadership Band. The Leader gets to practice making decisions on behalf of the group. We rotate this role so different students get the opportunity to practice.

Sometimes decision-making in Bright Knights looks like “Which path do we take?” or “What do we do first?” in order to continue on our Quest and solve the mystery. Sometimes decision-making involves facilitating a vote or consulting certain teammates to come up with options. Sometimes decision-making for the Squad (each respective Bright Knights team) means a bigger decision in the plot like figuring out “How do we engage this character?” Then, as we posit, since life itself is the real and ultimate teacher, whichever way the decision goes we get to learn from it. At the end of each class or at the end of an ongoing Quest we process the adventure together and review what worked and what didn’t and then build upon that.

I remember a class where the Bright Knights plot involved a ‘court case’ between the selfish character Kryll, defending the greedy kingpin known as The Selector, versus the Bright Knights. Ruby Rebel was one of our standout Knights. She achieved Level 2 faster than any other Bright Knight has to date. That day, the tendency of the kids was to trash talk or demean Kryll; but Ruby Rebel kept saying to the group: “Take the high road…don’t judge him…just argue your case and listen to what points he is making.” That is leadership in action. The rest of the kids listened to her. It kept the Bright Knights’ side of the street clean and the Knights narrowly won the case.

Part of what we teach is that we must first learn to follow and be ‘part of’ to really advance in leadership. In fact, to get to Level 2 in Bright Knights, the student will receive a curated challenge to see if they can navigate the art of thinking of the self and the group at the same time. The Bright Knight will not know until their challenge is over if they ‘passed the test.’

We are of course modeling leadership at all times as we are either leading Mentoring sessions or leading Bright Knights classes. We will even sometimes point out ‘why we did what we did when we did it’ to students that have an interest in leading, coaching, and teaching. And, as always, we will take questions at any time.

WHY LEADERSHIP MATTERS

I think teamwork and getting egos out of the way will be the path forward for the kids of the future. And part of what this means is that we need people that are actually great at leadership. If humility is an accurate self-appraisal, then it is okay for us to say, “I am great at leading” and to call it out when friends and peers have this skill.

When you are with a great leader, you don’t feel that they are above you or separate from you; you feel ‘with them’ and ‘with’ the mission and ‘with’ the world. We teach integrity as a Polestar and that is what the next gen needs in leadership. And great leadership requires 2 kinds of accountability. First there is accountability from within – the leader’s own conscience. Then, there is external accountability from leader to group and from group to leader.

BUILDING THE SKILL — TRY AT HOME

To practice at home, simply let your child make the decisions (within reason of course) for a family day or night out. Then do your best to stay out of the way of the results so they get to learn what did and didn’t work for the group. Talk through the decision-making process with them and talk through what you both observed about what did and didn’t work.

Young leaders rise up!