Home for the Holidays: Is Your House Still the Family Gathering Place?

There is something special about coming home for the holidays.

For many families, there is one house everyone considers home — no matter how old the children are, where they live now or how many years have passed. It’s the house where everyone gathers for Thanksgiving dinner, Christmas morning, family traditions and all those little moments in between.

Maybe that house is yours.

But as another holiday season arrives, it might be worth asking yourself a simple question:

Is your home still the place where everyone comes home for the holidays?

Are they still coming home?

Are your children and grandchildren packing their bags and heading to your house this year? Do they still get excited about coming home?

Maybe those bedrooms that sit quiet most of the year suddenly come alive again.

Suitcases are everywhere. Grandchildren are running through the house. The kitchen is busy with everyone cooking, talking, laughing and probably getting in each other’s way.

The dining room table that may not get much use throughout the year is suddenly full, and for a few days, every room in the house seems to have a purpose again.

If those moments still bring you happiness and you look forward to hosting everyone, those extra rooms may not feel unnecessary at all. They may be part of what makes your house the family home.

Or, do you go to them?

Family traditions change.

Children grow up, establish careers, get married, have children of their own and sometimes move hours or states away.

Perhaps you’re no longer waiting for everyone to come home. Instead, you’re the one packing the suitcase every Thanksgiving or Christmas and traveling to see them.

If that’s become your new tradition, how does it feel when you return home? Do you enjoy having your own space and love coming back to the home you’ve known for decades, or do you find yourself wishing you lived closer to your children and grandchildren so seeing them doesn’t require planning a trip? Sometimes the holidays make that distance feel a little greater.

Is hosting still something you love?

There was probably a time when preparing for the holidays was part of the fun. You enjoyed decorating the house, getting the yard looking festive, planning the menu, grocery shopping, cooking everyone’s favorite dishes, cleaning the guest rooms and getting everything ready before the doorbell rang. Maybe you still love every minute of it, but maybe something has changed.

Does decorating the yard now feel more like work than joy? Is pulling everything out of the attic or carrying decorations up and down the stairs becoming difficult? Does cooking for a houseful of people leave you exhausted? Is cleaning before everyone arrives, and again after everyone leaves, more physically demanding than it once was?

There’s nothing wrong with admitting that something you once loved has become harder.

What happens after everyone leaves?

The holidays are over. The cars pull out of the driveway. The grandchildren give you one last hug. The house gets quiet again. How do you feel?

Maybe you sit down, smile and think: “That was wonderful. I can’t wait until next year.” If so, your home may still be exactly where you want to be.

But maybe you look around at the dishes, linens, decorations, empty bedrooms, yard work and cleaning that still needs to be done and think, “I don’t know how much longer I can do this.” Pay attention to that feeling, too.

It doesn’t mean you need to move. It doesn’t mean you have to give up being the center of your family’s traditions. It simply may mean it’s time to start thinking about what you want the next chapter to look like.

What does “home for the holidays” mean to you now?

There is no right answer.

Maybe your home is still the family gathering place, and you wouldn’t change that for anything. Those extra bedrooms aren’t wasted space because they’re waiting for the people you love to come home. Maybe you need a little help with the yard, decorating, cleaning or preparing meals so you can continue hosting without doing everything yourself. Or maybe you’re beginning to realize that your family life has shifted somewhere else. Your children and grandchildren live elsewhere, you’re traveling more often to see them, and you’re beginning to wonder whether you’d rather be closer.

These are questions only you can answer.

Your family home may have many more holidays ahead of it with you at the center of every celebration, or perhaps someday, another family will fill those rooms with laughter while you begin new traditions somewhere else. Either choice can be the right one.

This holiday season, when the house is full — or when it’s quiet — take a moment to think about how your home makes you feel.

Does it still feel like the place where you want everyone to come home for the holidays?

If the answer is yes, enjoy every minute of it, and if you’re not quite sure anymore, maybe it’s simply time to start the conversation.