When families come together for the holidays after months apart, they often notice things that are difficult to see during a phone call.
Mom looks thinner. Dad is barely eating. The refrigerator is empty, medications are disorganized, or the house does not look the way it normally does. Sometimes a loved one seems weaker, more confused, or less able to manage everyday tasks.
No single change automatically means someone needs hospice. Weight loss, for example, can have many causes. It may be related to illness, medications, memory loss, limited income, or difficulty shopping and preparing meals.
But these changes should begin a conversation.
Approach that conversation with curiosity rather than confrontation. Parents rarely want to hear that their children are worried about them, and beginning with a list of everything that appears wrong may cause them to become defensive.
Instead, try saying, “Mom, I’ve been learning more about the choices families sometimes face as we all get older, and I want to understand what you would want. What matters most to you if your health changes? At what point would you want additional help?”
If your loved one says, “I’m fine. I don’t want to talk about it,” be honest about why you are asking.
“I want to do right by you. I never want to be in a position where I have to guess what you would want. Can we gather some information without making any decisions today?”
Hospice is often misunderstood as giving up. I see it differently. To me, hospice feels like what healthcare used to be—personal, intimate, and centered on the whole person.
Today, patients may see multiple specialists, each appropriately focused on one area of the body. Families can be left trying to connect all those pieces. Hospice helps bring the care together by looking at the patient’s medications, symptoms, safety, emotional and spiritual needs, family circumstances, and personal goals.
Hospice also asks an important question: Is the care a person is receiving still helping them live the life they want?
A specialist appointment may be medically appropriate, but for someone who is weak or homebound, it may also mean hours of transportation, waiting, discomfort, and recovery. Families deserve help weighing whether that burden will meaningfully change the outcome.
Calling a hospice does not mean a person must enroll. Families can contact their primary-care provider and request an informational hospice evaluation. They may interview several hospices, ask questions, and choose the organization that feels right to them. No one should sign anything they do not understand or feel comfortable with.
The most meaningful thing families can do during the holidays is have the conversation before a crisis happens. Talk about goals, document important wishes, and identify who should make healthcare decisions if the person can no longer speak for themselves.
As an ICU nurse, I watched families struggle with the guilt of not knowing what their loved one would have wanted. Having these conversations early is not giving up hope. It is giving the people you love the gift of knowing how to honor your choices.
Hospice is not about giving up care. It is about bringing care back to the person.
To learn more about hospice care and family support through Sunset Hospice, visit SunsetHospiceAZ.com.
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