Self-Care Isn’t Selfish: Making Space for Yourself When Life Feels Too Full

We hear the words self-care everywhere these days. Take time for yourself. Slow down. Practice self-care. But when life is already full with work, children, relationships, responsibilities, and an endless list of things that need our attention, self-care can start to feel like one more thing we’re supposed to be doing. 

And sometimes, we misunderstand what self-care really is.

Self-care doesn’t have to mean a spa day, a weekend away, or an elaborate morning routine. Those things can certainly feel wonderful, but meaningful self-care is often much simpler and sometimes much harder.

Sometimes self-care is going to bed instead of finishing one more task. It’s saying no when your plate is already full. It’s asking for help instead of trying to carry everything yourself. It’s setting a boundary, even when doing so feels uncomfortable. It can be taking a walk, nourishing your body, making the doctor’s appointment you’ve been putting off, calling a friend, or simply allowing yourself to sit quietly without feeling like you should be doing something productive.

Sometimes self-care isn’t about adding more to your life. It’s about giving yourself permission to do less.

As a therapist, I often talk with people who are very good at taking care of everyone around them. They know what their children need, what needs to get done at work, what their spouse or partner needs, and where they need to be next. But when I ask, “What do you need?” the answer isn’t always so easy.

We can become so accustomed to being needed that we stop noticing when we are depleted.

And that’s important, because self-care isn’t selfish. Taking care of yourself doesn’t mean you care less about the people around you. In fact, it often allows you to be more present with them. 

When we continually give without restoring ourselves, eventually there is less of us available to give.

Self-care also means paying attention to the signals that something needs to change. Maybe you’re more irritable than usual. Maybe you’re exhausted but still have difficulty slowing down. Maybe you’ve stopped doing things you enjoy, feel disconnected from people you love, or find yourself constantly thinking about the next thing that needs to get done. Those moments can be an invitation to check in with yourself rather than simply push harder.

As we move into fall and toward another busy holiday season, this can also be a good time to think about what we might need to let go of. Maybe it’s the expectation that everything has to be perfect. Maybe it’s guilt about saying no. Maybe it’s the belief that resting is unproductive or that taking care of yourself has to be earned.

We often think of self-care as something we do after everything else is finished. 

But the truth is, everything may never be finished.

There will always be another email, another load of laundry, another obligation, another person who needs something from us. If we wait until there is nothing left to do before giving ourselves permission to rest, connect, or recharge, we may be waiting a very long time.

So this season, instead of asking yourself, “How can I fit more in?” try asking:

What can I let go of? What do I need right now? And what would taking care of myself actually look like today?

The answer doesn’t have to be big. Sometimes the smallest choices are the ones that remind us that we deserve a place on our own list, too.

Sophia Papageorge-Karvelas, MA, LCPC, CMHNP is a licensed clinical psychotherapist and founder of Therapy Living, PLLC, serving individuals, couples, and families in the western suburbs.