There are thousands of books, blogs and social media influencers telling people the “best” ways to parent. But what about topics that are sensitive or that the average parent isn’t sure how to broach with their child?
One of the biggest issues facing preteens and teens today is substance use. They are inundated with substance use culture, from a very young age. Within minutes of hopping on social media, I have personally been able to find either substances for sale or people talking about substance use.
The big question: How do we talk to children about it? A “scared straight” program? School programs? Or avoiding it and hoping it doesn’t come up? The short answer is not all that short.
There are different approaches, depending on the kid. First consider the child’s age and level of understanding. There is no need to teach a complex chemistry lesson to a 10-year-old, but you don’t want to make a 16-year-old feel like they are revisiting preschool. Here are some tips, to help guide the conversation:
- Don’t just make it one “big talk” about how they shouldn’t be doing drugs. Bringing up the topic from time to time allows for more open communication.
- Let your values and expectations be known. Make sure that they know there will be consequences for underage drinking or drug use. Even bring up possible legal implications.
- Understand that you do not have to be an expert. Answer your child’s questions, to the best of your ability. If necessary, find a professional who can talk to them about substance use.
- Let your child ask questions. Allow your child to take the lead. Let them ask about substances, or how to say no or walk away.
- Be honest. If you feel it is appropriate, talk to your child about a family member or friend who has struggled with substance use. Explain the costs that have come from their choices.
- Be ready to listen. If your child feels comfortable having these conversations, be ready and open to them. Remain nonconfrontational, as this sets the stage for future touchy topics.
- Have a “code word.” It is good to have an “out” in risky situations, where saying “no” is not as practical as it might seem. Create a code word or phrase that your child can say/text to seek help, if a risky situation arises. For example, if your child called to ask, “Are we having biscuits with dinner?” you would know to go get him/her.
Having these conversations early and often is important. While the list above is not exhaustive, it is a good starting point.
If you suspect that your child is struggling with a substance use and/or mental health issue, seek help. There is no shame in doing so, and it could save stress for both of you down the line. The professionals at Ellie Mental Health can help. Schedule an appointment at elliementalhealth.com or 937-907-1437.
