The Beauty of Letting Go

It is hard to believe that the end of summer is drawing near. While I welcome the cool crisp mornings that fall will eventually bring, there is part of me that is also holding tightly to summer. The lazy mornings for the kids, no school stress, more sunlight to play outside and the way ice cream is a bit more melty before I take a bite are some of the best things about summers to me. For our family this summer has a bit more significance as our oldest child is home before his senior year in college and somehow it feels like the beginning of the end of a chapter. The post-college graduation question mark and the idea of him completely flying the nest looms large.

Parenting can be such a roller coaster ride. In the early years you hold tight to those little hands, to protect and nurture these amazing little creatures. You walk them into school. You know their friends and their routines and schedules. In fact, you set the schedules! But with every start of a new school year, it becomes clear that we have to let go bit by bit in order to see them grow fully into who they were created to be. These subtle shifts each year can be hard for those of us who enjoy structure and predictability because each year (and maybe sooner) calls us to change, to bend and recognize the growth happening before our eyes. We look for the balance between keeping our children close and safe while also finding enough flexibility in our rules, expectations and structure to allow them to blossom.

For me this balance has really been a faith journey. If I am not careful at times my fears can get in the way of letting our children’s lives unfold. I often think about the scene in Finding Nemo where Nemo’s Dad, Marlin, is holding on to the whale’s tongue so very tight and is petrified to let go because he can sense change is coming. His fear overwhelms him and so he stays right where he is even though he has no guarantee that staying put is the right move either. His companion, Dory, wisely says to him that it is time to let go, even though she does not know something bad won’t happen. It sounds counterintuitive to let go if you cannot guarantee a good result from letting go. And yet, it is what life often calls us to do, let go and have faith.

If you are launching a child or family member this August into a new grade or phase of life, you are likely in the process of letting go of some part of the child you have known thus far.  While it can be hard and challenging, it is also rewarding – even when the results might take a different turn than you planned. Watching a child take on a new sport, new friends, new classes, a new college major and even a new job can be a wonderful adventure. Trusting enough to let go can communicate to your child that you have confidence in them to make wise choices and doing so while you are still there to catch them allows for them to take reasonable risks. If this all feels hard, believe me – I understand. I am actively aware that my children’s lives might be the place that it is hardest to let go of my desire to try and control and guide them. I love them so very much and only want the best for them and so it makes sense that I would know what is best, right? Yet I often forget that ultimately their journey is not really up to me. I will do what I can to put them on the right path, to provide the guard rails when needed and doing my best to balance letting go and being there for them when needed. So, this month in particular I will be doing a lot of exhaling, praying and remembering to lean into my faith as an example for them to lean into their own.